Restore - Level 1 (5 minutes)

Eye Gazing and Oxytocin

First lets get through the science. Oxytocin is a hormone and neuropeptide that plays crucial roles in various physiological and behavioral processes especially social bonding and behavior. It promotes feelings of love, attachment, and trust, facilitates social interaction, reduces stress, and enhances empathy and compassion. It also reduces anxiety and improves mood, stimulates wound healing and regeneration, protects against cardiovascular disease, and regulates sleep and appetite.  

Eye gazing is a common connecting behavior in pair bonding, and is associated with the release of oxytocin. Courting couples engage in eye gazing more than couples who are not romantically involved. Some studies have suggested that the higher the relationship quality, the more couples engage in eye gazing. On the flipside, many couples report that they can’t remember the last time they made eye contact with their partners. It’s a common symptom of disconnection.   

So, we're going to try eye gazing for 90 seconds. 

Step One: Find a good spot where you'll both be comfortable and set up two chairs that face one another.  

Step Two: Tell your partner that you want to try something called eye gazing. Your partner may be hesitant but tell them it's a 5 minute exercise.

Step Three: Set a timer on your phone for 90 seconds and then sit and face your partner. You can hold hands or touch each other if you’d like.

Step Four: Start the timer and look into your partner’s eyes. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to blink. Keep your gaze soft and try not to look away. If you feel awkward and don’t know where to look, look slowly from the left eye to the right eye and back again.

Step Five: Break your gaze when the timer goes off.

Okay, the eye gazing is over. Now go to the kitchen with your partner and make two glasses of water. This has nothing to do with the eye gazing, but 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. Chances are, one or both of you needs water. 

While you are sipping your water, ask the following questions:

• What was the most challenging part of the exercise?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• What did you learn about your partner?

Now make a committed effort to improve your eye contact when speaking to one another. You've just taken the first step toward improved intimacy.

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